I'm supposed to start tomatoes today...
But i just don't have the heart to mess with seeds today. Burying Sasha had been more difficult emotionally then I had thought. As we put her in the carefully excavated hole, wrapped in her favorite blanket with her hedgehog toy with care, I could only think that there was a wrongness about all this. This is what poor Sasha was reduced to, though I know it was only her shell laying there. Harder yet were those first clods of dirt to come down covering her. We found ourselves apologizing to Sasha. Mr. Hyper had to turn away, it was hard and I took the shovel and covered her for him as I could see he was in pain. The dirt was heavy and wet, full of clay once she was covered enough so that we could no longer see her, Mr. Hyper did the rest.
When it was done, we cried.
I can see her from the living room window. Sasha rests near the lamp post and between the rhododendron. I'll likely plant wildflowers over her, or something. But for now, I wish we had a layer of snow, 6" or thereabouts, so that I don't have to see the raw earth where she rests. I didn't realize that seeing it this morning would be so difficult either.
6 seeds of thought:
It's a terrible thing to go through, and my heart goes out to you. The first pet my husband and I adopted was a gray kittie we named Moose. We adopted her right after our honeymoon---kind of the first addition to our new family. She was an awesome cat. We were both raised in homes where cats were allowed to roam outside, so we let Moose do the same. About four years after we got her, we were coming home from the store and saw a little gray lump in the middle of the street. We both knew it right away. We buried her in my mother-in-law's yard, who we were renting from at the time. Burying her was exactly as you describe it. My husband had to do it...I couldn't. My MIL still lives in that house, and every time I go into her yard, I look at the spot where my Moosie is buried and think of her. We planted a small hydrangea bush over her grave, and every year, when it blooms, I think about how she would have loved napping under its branches.
Needless to say, we've never let a cat outdoors since. It was so painful, and so preventable, and I spent months and months wishing I knew who'd hit her. I don't know why, but I would have loved to confront them and ask them why.
Remember the joy she brought you. She wouldn't have wanted you to stay sad for long.
I'm sending love your way.
I am so sorry for you and Mr. Hyper. I have gone through the loss of a dear pet several times and it never gets any easier. I still mourn the loss of my Dolly, a 13 year old chocolate lab. She died two years ago. I was blown with the grief, and it was the same as if I had lost a human loved one. But now we can talk about the laughter and silliness she brought us. Life is better with pets. I pray that your pain eases soon.
I'm so sorry about your loss. I have a precious golden too and while I hate the hair she sheds, she is a precious dog and I would be heart broken should something happen to her.
Nickie, I'm so very sorry to you and your beloved about the loss of Sasha. Of course she was more than "just a dog"; just as our catchildren aren't 'just cats'. They are part of our families, and when they go our hearts do break. But we're also better people, I think, for having shared our lives with such loving, caring creatures. The pain of Sasha's death will ease in time--but be gentle with yourself because it DOES take time. Perhaps you can plant a special shrub or tree in your garden in her memory, and that will bring you some comfort. This is what we do, both for human and animal friends, and in honour of others who have lost beloved friends.
Sending some peace your way, jodi
I'm so sorry Nickie ... I know exactly how it feels and there's nothing you can do to make it any easier ... it hurts like hell. All you can do is keep reminding yourselves what a great life Sasha had thanks to you both.
And then to give your love to another animal companion. :)
Post a Comment